garbage

they never seem to fail to disappoint me.
men that is.
well if you can even call them that.
i prefer calling them boys.

back up a few months.
sierra and i went camping late summer with some friends. from there on out we started to hang out with a group of guys. one that i became quite fond of. ben. yes that is his name.
we have hung out in groups. alone. but never, have we been on a date.
i personally think when i like a guy, it is quite obvious.
well either i wasn't kicking the ball hard enough, or he is just dumb.
at times i have thought he was super into me.
talking on facebook til 3 a.m.
texing for countless hours.
him texting me first, of course.

well as the months went by, it was so on and off
july- on
august-didn't see or hear from him much
september- starting hangin out again. hung out alone for the first time.
october- one week on. one week off.
november- texting, talking, flirting, teasing, you name it. we did it.
but NO dates.
now here we are in december.

at times i have just NOT let myself like him.
just 'gave up' if you would say, all together.
decided to not worry. and just focus on our friendship.
that seemed to be key.
it was working out great. til i would find myself liking him again.
well. starting in october i just didn't care. i liked him- but didn't let myself be me, a girlie girl and freak out over everything, over analyze etc.

we suddenlyy became close.
one night he finally opened up to me.
i still had my guard up.
but HE. OPENED. UP. TO. ME.
ben. did. ben opened up.
his wall came down. brick, by brick.
about life, relationships, trials, his family, his desires, school,work.
it was the best.

i was finally thinking maybe i could open up to him.
but not just yet.
it would be too risky.
but maybe i could just do it??

every year a group of friends and i have a holiday party.
there may or may not be ugly sweaters involved.

i had asked him. he accepted.
{yes, i asked a BOY out.}
the night came. as i rushed to get everything ready
my phone rang. it was him!
he was calling to verify the time.
it was to be at my place, so he was just going to come over. we talked on the phone for about 30 minutes. laughing. joking. talking. inside jokes. teasing. talking about what we had done the night before. it was comfortable.

a little history for you before we get to the punch line.
ben just so happens to have a best friend. Jay.
Jays way cool. hilarious. and witty.
oh and they are TIED together at the hip.
love them. but srsly they need to do there own things every once in a while.
no wonder they both dont have gf's ha. i'm mean.

so 45 minutes before everyone is supposed to come over
jay texts me {he was coming with a date}

j: hey so band news.so I'm feeling really sick. i think I'm just going to cancel with callie and ben doesn't want to leave me here by myself. so sorry if we messed up your plans. maybe we could stop by for a few?

are. you. FREAKIN KIDDING ME?
who just does that.
i can't even express how upset i was.
i now wished that i wouldn't have even texted back.

l: don't worry about stopping by.
j: thanks for being understanding, we will have to chill sometime.

whatever that jay didn't come.
but ben didn't have to call me. or let alone text me.

srsly. srsly!!
needless to say- Ben is off my list.
and in the garbage..


xoxo
-lauren.

whaaaa?

srsly?
this is a sham.
but i loveeeeee it.
so fabulous.

"provo utah girls we're desirable, big hair, leggings, layered shirts on top"



hello, i am not your typical provo girl though...thanks divine comedy!

give me a sigggnnnnnn

"My loneliness is killin me, and I....I must confess, I still believe {still believe}

When I'm not witchu baby I lose my mind, gimme a sigggnnnnn

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME"

Ohhh, sorry, I was just enjoying myself this morning. I love that song, don't you?

Oh, and I love {men}.

I love {nugget ice}

I love {ice cream}

I love {gentlemen}

I love {chivalry}

I love {tall men}

I love {jokes}

I love {Timbaland}

I love {cookies and pie}

I love {PROVO}

I love {basketball games}

I love {MY LIFE}

Last night was quite the winning combo of all of the above {loves} of my life.

Lo and I hung out with some crazy crazy guys last night.

But I want to mention the {#1} crazy {in a good way crazy} man we had the privilege of chillin wit.

Meet Geoff.

Tall. Gorgeous Eyes. Muscular. Hilarious coming out of his ears. Sports guru. Dancing fool {in a good way}. Smells good, like fresh outta da shower good. Makes me smile. Makes me giggle like a little school girl. Tells me jokes. Gives me advice. Tells me all about his 5 year marriage plan. Shamelessly flirts with me {right Lo?}. Texts me jokes. Texts me when he hasn't heard from me...awww.

Ok, believe it or not, I think I am smitten. I think I am really started to like Geoff. The first night we met we grabbed a bite to eat and chatted until the management kicked us out...then we talked outside of the restaurant until 2:00 AM. BEST CONVO of my LIFEEEE!!!!

This guy sure makes Simon look like Dwight Shrute. Geoff can carry on a conversation. Geoff has an OPINION. Geoff also told me that he knows that I am going to always be right in all things {SMART MAN, eh?}.

I am really attracted to him. We have good conversations. We have some physical chemistry between us. We have a good time when we're together. We talk. We text. We facebook. We google. (just kidding...I don't even know what that means...)

I mean, come on, I feel like things are going pretty well in our early relationship stages.

I just am confused. He is the {mysterious} type. He is also a guy I would want to marry. Totally. I am being 100% honest too. I would TOTALLY marry this guy. He has it all.

So what's the deal you ask?

I have no clue!!!! He sends me mixed signs....and I was hopeless that nothing would ever happen between us...but then last night he said it.

"I am in a stage of life where I prefer to get to know a girl before I date her. So we hang out. A lot. But not too much because then I don't want her to think I am being a jerk and not taking the risk of asking her out. But I think you need to get to know a person before you can date them. You need to develop a friendship. You need to develop communication skills. If you base your relationship on physicality then you'll end up with nothing."

So...I kinda think things are going in my direction. We text all the time. Talk on the phone occasionally. AND then he hits me with the "get to know a girl first" speech last night.

This is a good thing. RIGHT?!!??

dumb dumb dumb

I'm so irritated with guys.

Lauren knows exactly what I am talking about.

There's this guy.... Isn't there always?

Simon and I have been friends for a few months and we've gone out on two real dates (about two months apart mind you). Well, I received a very interesting email from him yesterday.

He basically stated that he was upset with me that nothing serious has been going on between us. He has the balls to go even further and tell me that its my fault nothing has been going on between us.

Um, that's not my job. It's YOURS buddy. Plus, maybe, just maybe, I don't really want to be with you all that much. Maybe I just like being friends, which is what I thought we were from the beginning. Maybe, just maybe I enjoy having someone to talk to about other dudes. Maybe I like you Simon, but as a brother.

Let's face it. You can't carry on a normal conversation. You don't have a romantic bone in your body. And, I don't even want to imagine myself kissing you. It's not gonna happen. EVER.

With that said, what's a girl to do?

I emailed poor old Simon back and told him how I really felt. I explained that he and I are just two very different people. We would've never worked out. And guess what? He AGREED with me.

Why the *beep* did you email me in the first place then?!

Jeez, Simon.

Buy the board game CLUE and play it a few times....

really though?

before i start telling you all my oh so lovely stories i just have to vent about something. why the beep do guys think that they can just text. don't get me wrong, i text. i love to text. but why can't they have the decency to CALL. really how hard is it?there is a time and a place for texting. a quick hello is nice. thanks for the date. seeing how there doing. when you're at work/school. but really when i know that you're in a place where you can call and instead you just text to see what i'm doing that night etc. it seems every one now days is terribly lacking in social skills. maybe they should make that a college requirement class. how to interact socially. just sayin!

i started thinking about this because my phone was broken a while ago and i could receive calls, but not texts. and so the guys knew i couldn't text, so they WOULD call. i was like WOW you really do know how to talk on the phone?

i think i'm going to start saying if you want to ask me out i don't accept texts. or just tell them i don't have texting. haha. jk.
ready. go.

Does anyone else feel this way? ugh. boo.

hugs and kisses,

-Lauren

and, I'M BACK!

I'm back everyone! yay.
time seriously swept past me the past few months.
now time to play catch up,
so much has happened i don't even know where to begin.
think i will back up and do a few catch up me up posts.

but for now know this.

• i went out with Reed last night. after not seeing him for EV er since i gave him the shaft.
• sticky situation makes for a hilarious story with Kurt.
• lots of drama and more heart shattering from Jake. i have never felt so alone, and hurt in my life.
• Matt comes back into the picture.. what the..
• and i'm in complete and total like with mister Jason. *sigh*

get ready for some catch me up history lessons on these peeps.

hope everyone is awesome. happy summertime.

hugs and kisses,

-Lauren

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

It's been such a long long long time since this blog has received any posting love, so I decided to get my feelings down - as a means of therapy. Yes, blogging can be therapeutical.

Anyway, so there's this guy. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the opportunity to have in my life. We've known each other for such a very long time. Let's call him Taylor.

Taylor has always always always been so good to me. We have always been friends. He has always been there when I was going through a rough time, when I had a bad breakup. Whatever. He was there.

In the back of my mind he was always there. As a friend. But I started seeing him as more than a friend. Last summer was when it all happened.

Things started to progress, and then I went away. I started dating some other young chaps (who clearly were bone heads) and went through that lovely dating drama. When it was all said and done, here was Taylor. Patient. Selfless. Forgiving. Loving. Perfect.

Recently we tried to get together. I had built myself an iron wall, and I have been too afraid to take it down. It's still up, even though Taylor tried to tear it down. Oh he tried. He tried and he tried and I kept telling him to be patient with me. I told him to give me time, that time would heal this and the wall would come down.

Unfortunately, life isn't always kind and sometimes the people we love the most, we hurt the most.

I had hurt Taylor again, I was struggling to let him into my life and he had about enough. I feel horrible for hurting him again. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for the pain that I've caused him. And you know whats funny, is now I feel this huge void in my life. I miss him. I love him. But I can't have him, because of my own stupidity and my own fears.

He is probably better off, he deserves the absolute best. And that is all that I could ever ask for, for him to be 100% happy. I am in pain. And I thought it would go away, but it hasn't. But I don't want to hurt him anymore, so I've decided to suffer in silence. He doesn't need to have to deal with me while I figure out what the BEEP I am doing. He deserves the best.

And if he ever comes across this blog (I highly doubt it) but if he ever did, I would want him to know that I am sorry. I would want him to know that I love him. I've always loved him. I've loved him for years, but I've just been too afraid to admit it. But because I love him, I want him to be happy. I want Taylor to have the most happiness, this madness called, life offers.

I love you Taylor. And I always will. Always.