really though?

before i start telling you all my oh so lovely stories i just have to vent about something. why the beep do guys think that they can just text. don't get me wrong, i text. i love to text. but why can't they have the decency to CALL. really how hard is it?there is a time and a place for texting. a quick hello is nice. thanks for the date. seeing how there doing. when you're at work/school. but really when i know that you're in a place where you can call and instead you just text to see what i'm doing that night etc. it seems every one now days is terribly lacking in social skills. maybe they should make that a college requirement class. how to interact socially. just sayin!

i started thinking about this because my phone was broken a while ago and i could receive calls, but not texts. and so the guys knew i couldn't text, so they WOULD call. i was like WOW you really do know how to talk on the phone?

i think i'm going to start saying if you want to ask me out i don't accept texts. or just tell them i don't have texting. haha. jk.
ready. go.

Does anyone else feel this way? ugh. boo.

hugs and kisses,

-Lauren

and, I'M BACK!

I'm back everyone! yay.
time seriously swept past me the past few months.
now time to play catch up,
so much has happened i don't even know where to begin.
think i will back up and do a few catch up me up posts.

but for now know this.

• i went out with Reed last night. after not seeing him for EV er since i gave him the shaft.
• sticky situation makes for a hilarious story with Kurt.
• lots of drama and more heart shattering from Jake. i have never felt so alone, and hurt in my life.
• Matt comes back into the picture.. what the..
• and i'm in complete and total like with mister Jason. *sigh*

get ready for some catch me up history lessons on these peeps.

hope everyone is awesome. happy summertime.

hugs and kisses,

-Lauren

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

It's been such a long long long time since this blog has received any posting love, so I decided to get my feelings down - as a means of therapy. Yes, blogging can be therapeutical.

Anyway, so there's this guy. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the opportunity to have in my life. We've known each other for such a very long time. Let's call him Taylor.

Taylor has always always always been so good to me. We have always been friends. He has always been there when I was going through a rough time, when I had a bad breakup. Whatever. He was there.

In the back of my mind he was always there. As a friend. But I started seeing him as more than a friend. Last summer was when it all happened.

Things started to progress, and then I went away. I started dating some other young chaps (who clearly were bone heads) and went through that lovely dating drama. When it was all said and done, here was Taylor. Patient. Selfless. Forgiving. Loving. Perfect.

Recently we tried to get together. I had built myself an iron wall, and I have been too afraid to take it down. It's still up, even though Taylor tried to tear it down. Oh he tried. He tried and he tried and I kept telling him to be patient with me. I told him to give me time, that time would heal this and the wall would come down.

Unfortunately, life isn't always kind and sometimes the people we love the most, we hurt the most.

I had hurt Taylor again, I was struggling to let him into my life and he had about enough. I feel horrible for hurting him again. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for the pain that I've caused him. And you know whats funny, is now I feel this huge void in my life. I miss him. I love him. But I can't have him, because of my own stupidity and my own fears.

He is probably better off, he deserves the absolute best. And that is all that I could ever ask for, for him to be 100% happy. I am in pain. And I thought it would go away, but it hasn't. But I don't want to hurt him anymore, so I've decided to suffer in silence. He doesn't need to have to deal with me while I figure out what the BEEP I am doing. He deserves the best.

And if he ever comes across this blog (I highly doubt it) but if he ever did, I would want him to know that I am sorry. I would want him to know that I love him. I've always loved him. I've loved him for years, but I've just been too afraid to admit it. But because I love him, I want him to be happy. I want Taylor to have the most happiness, this madness called, life offers.

I love you Taylor. And I always will. Always.