garbage

they never seem to fail to disappoint me.
men that is.
well if you can even call them that.
i prefer calling them boys.

back up a few months.
sierra and i went camping late summer with some friends. from there on out we started to hang out with a group of guys. one that i became quite fond of. ben. yes that is his name.
we have hung out in groups. alone. but never, have we been on a date.
i personally think when i like a guy, it is quite obvious.
well either i wasn't kicking the ball hard enough, or he is just dumb.
at times i have thought he was super into me.
talking on facebook til 3 a.m.
texing for countless hours.
him texting me first, of course.

well as the months went by, it was so on and off
july- on
august-didn't see or hear from him much
september- starting hangin out again. hung out alone for the first time.
october- one week on. one week off.
november- texting, talking, flirting, teasing, you name it. we did it.
but NO dates.
now here we are in december.

at times i have just NOT let myself like him.
just 'gave up' if you would say, all together.
decided to not worry. and just focus on our friendship.
that seemed to be key.
it was working out great. til i would find myself liking him again.
well. starting in october i just didn't care. i liked him- but didn't let myself be me, a girlie girl and freak out over everything, over analyze etc.

we suddenlyy became close.
one night he finally opened up to me.
i still had my guard up.
but HE. OPENED. UP. TO. ME.
ben. did. ben opened up.
his wall came down. brick, by brick.
about life, relationships, trials, his family, his desires, school,work.
it was the best.

i was finally thinking maybe i could open up to him.
but not just yet.
it would be too risky.
but maybe i could just do it??

every year a group of friends and i have a holiday party.
there may or may not be ugly sweaters involved.

i had asked him. he accepted.
{yes, i asked a BOY out.}
the night came. as i rushed to get everything ready
my phone rang. it was him!
he was calling to verify the time.
it was to be at my place, so he was just going to come over. we talked on the phone for about 30 minutes. laughing. joking. talking. inside jokes. teasing. talking about what we had done the night before. it was comfortable.

a little history for you before we get to the punch line.
ben just so happens to have a best friend. Jay.
Jays way cool. hilarious. and witty.
oh and they are TIED together at the hip.
love them. but srsly they need to do there own things every once in a while.
no wonder they both dont have gf's ha. i'm mean.

so 45 minutes before everyone is supposed to come over
jay texts me {he was coming with a date}

j: hey so band news.so I'm feeling really sick. i think I'm just going to cancel with callie and ben doesn't want to leave me here by myself. so sorry if we messed up your plans. maybe we could stop by for a few?

are. you. FREAKIN KIDDING ME?
who just does that.
i can't even express how upset i was.
i now wished that i wouldn't have even texted back.

l: don't worry about stopping by.
j: thanks for being understanding, we will have to chill sometime.

whatever that jay didn't come.
but ben didn't have to call me. or let alone text me.

srsly. srsly!!
needless to say- Ben is off my list.
and in the garbage..


xoxo
-lauren.